Johnathan Livingstone Seagull

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I paused in between reading 'The Power of Now' to watch the film 'Johnathan Livingston Seagull' which I had previously downloaded from itunes, on my ipod classic. I remained in the now and was truly satisfied.

Yesterday produced a catalyst for change which has continued today. Earlier, this fine day, I visited the forces store on Walworth road accompanied by a nurse from the ward and purchased a few items. It was good to be out with everyone else.

Today I again got in touch with deep seated feelings of LOVE and just now the LOVE feelings was experienced by me again. I believe that I am experiencing an advanced enhanced me and LOVE is a key point to my being. It sounds a bit woolie and particularly when I consider that I am on a locked psychiatric ward, and not too long ago I was locked up in HMP Holloway. But it's true.

To be quite frank, it was hard for me to watch 'Johnathan Livingston Seagull', as I felt as if I was with Johnathan on his journey. A bit like one of the 'Outcasts'. I suppose what I am saying is that learning to not develop a fear of the future is going to be very important process for me. I must return to society, but the longer this is delayed the harder it seems. What I am trying to convey in my writing is that the possibility of my becoming institutionalized is an ever present concern in my mind. However, one day at a time, I continue reading the power of now and remembering that I am human and not Yehweh.

Just for today, I am a seagull. Johnathan Livingston Seagull [I hope].